I am such a chicken.
Everyone who knows me sooner or later learns, either directly or indirectly, that I'm an atheist. I've had a wide range of reactions... from people not really believing it because I'm "so nice," to people not caring and being totally cool with it, to being told they are atheist too (that's always interesting!), to losing a "friendship". Yet I rarely discuss the fact, nor do I often reference it directly or joke about it.
I was once rather outspoken, but time, age and experience have mellowed me.
Part of my close-lipped stance is out of respect for others. There is somehow a connection between being a vocal atheist and disrespecting others' beliefs. Like Dawkins, I think that religious belief has been afforded a kind of bubble of protection that doesn't apply to any other type of belief in the world, often to the detriment (and sometimes death, most especially in other countries) of unbelievers. I remain quiet because, as unjustified and dangerous as the bubble is/can be, I know the bubble is there and I respect that people don't wish it to pop.
And, part is out of fear. I have no wish to alienate myself, nor to cause misunderstandings. After all, like most other people on this planet, I was raised in a society which believes that atheists are lacking a certain something, be it hope, purpose, morality, or all the above and then some. Therefore, even though I know better (by being an atheist myself, by being married to an atheist, and by having raised one son who defines himself as such), I still get caught in the trap.
I feel that, with all of the preconceptions of what an atheist is, I will be seen in an unfavorable light if I speak occasionally about who I am and (more to the point), why I am who I am.
So, when I, for example, watch a really good video on YouTube about atheism, one that is so totally awesome that I can't help but shout at the computer "Yes! YES!"...well, I really feel like sharing but rarely do. It's nice when someone else out there gets it and, therefore, gets me; it makes me want to share with friends who might also enjoy a moment of "being gotten," and with those who might enjoy a clearer understanding of who I am and why. I suppose I must be brave enough to accept that whatever is learned about me might not be to some tastes.
So, after that lengthy explanation as to why I never post things about atheists/atheism.. but why I am about to anyway...
Presenting TheoreticalBullshit's God's Checklist.*
*I am one of TB's subscribers, and his video was on the main page last night before I went to bed, so I checked it out. Watched it three times. I must note that I do not, of course, think that this god TB speaks of even exists.. that it is not anger at nor rebellion against this god for his seeming inconsistencies, contradictions, and cruelties in the face of his supposed love for and benevolence toward his children that motivates me to "reject" him. Rather, these very inconsistencies and divine mood swings are simply a drop in the bucket of Why I Don't Think Any of it is Real in the First Place.
I know... big name. It's a really big bucket.
2 comments:
I share your sentiments, mostly. I, too, generally remain silent or simply omit my stance when the subject comes up. I think I am slowly changing and becoming more fearless as I realize there are so many out there like myself and, perhaps most importantly, I feel I am being complicit in promoting the preconceived notions of others. I do not feel at all responsible for people who are incapable of getting to know people before making a judgment based on, usually, no real experience. What I can do, though, is show that perhaps their ideas are wrong. It's difficult as people try so hard to validate their feelings and confirmation bias is a powerful thing. Like you I sense the surprise from people when they find out about me. "But you're so nice." That about sums it up. Why the surprise that I think the golden rule is a good one? Why the shock that I can find amazement and wonderment in a sunset or childbirth?
On peoples notions, this is where I put forth most of my effort. I try to break them down, sometimes even going against my own stance just to play devil's advocate. So much is assumed about me it is amazing. My hope is that people will realize that I'm actually not that different. I generally want the same things as others. Happiness, provide for my family, be a good father/husband, have some fun and just be a good person.
Alas, though, there are such a great number of people who, no matter what you do/say, simply cannot fathom their lives and any thing resembling happiness without God. Much of this, in my opinion, is fear based. Regardless, such an opinion prevents them from understanding people like you and I. It would be like me trying to empathize with the behavior of someone who is mentally ill. I can't fathom how they view the world. Lack of understanding can typically lead to fear. People will look for things to justify their fears, digging themselves in deeper.
OK, I'm rambling. I won't say "don't be afraid" because I know it's not that simple.
Thanks for your comment :)
I was called militant once by a good friend, and that really set my openness back a few. I don't want to be militant, but I certainly don't want to hide either. As with all things in life, a balance must be found :)
The hubby was once told by a coworker that, although he was a good guy who appeared to always follow the straight and narrow, there was no way he could be a truly moral person. By virtue of his unbelief, he had no other choice but to be immoral and amoral.
These persistent perceptions, in the face of contrary evidence, are the reason I feel a duty (for lack of a better word) to be open about who I am, even if it is uncomfortable.
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